Love, Lauka: How hard can this be?

On January 9th, 2011, I started the 30 day blog challenge along with two friends.

We are now one day away from the end of that challenge and while both of my friends are perfectly caught up, I am dismally behind.

This post is my attempt to catch up.

Bear with me, eh?

Day 17: A photo of me and my family.

My mom, my brother and I at my high school graduation.

Please note how magnificently the ketchup red gown clashes with my auburn hair.

Please also note that I'm basically just a darker version of my mother.

Day 18: Something I crave a lot.

Erm....Oh, I got it!

Its the worst, really.

I've been doing really well fighting this craving lately.

Day 19: Another picture of myself.

Don't you just love how well this challenge plays into my self involvement?

I do.

BYU Vintage Swing Dance.

I absolutely [loved] this outfit.

Day 20: The meaning behind my blog name.

About two years ago, I met a man named Jon at a ward ice cream social. When he read my name tag, he thought that my name was Lauka, because my Rs looks a whole lot like Ks. I realized he was right when I signed a note or a letter (I can't remember which) "Love, Lauka."

He and his new, charming wife, both of whom are still very good friends of mine, call me that and it's just kind of stuck. I think its one of the best nick names I've ever had.

So, there you have it.

Day 21: A photo of something that makes you happy.

How could I even begin to pick one thing that makes me happy?

I sha'n't.

These people make me unbelievably happy.

This is basically the conversation that Katherine (the one dressed as Misty from Pokemon) and I have every time we leave an activity with this group: "So, I really love those people." "Yeah, me too. They make me really happy."

Day 22: A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

This is a tough one because it requires that I share a pretty vulnerable side with all of you friendlies out there on the internetz, but my therapist said I need to work on allowing myself to be more vulnerable.

I'll give it a try.

Dear Roberto,

The way you introduced yourself was charming and enticing and I'll admit that it was my own naivety that allowed our predicament. I am very aware that I am far too trusting and hopeful a person. However, you abused not only that trust, but me as well. From the beginning you had the upper hand, I in no way thought I was stronger than you, but I still fought while I could. You pushed until I was too exhausted to fight anymore...and then you pushed further. You broke down my defenses, stole from me every ounce of strength I had, and then you walked away.

I can't even begin to fully explain the emotional mess that was left in your wake. There was denial, followed by anger, which gave way to sadness. Luckily, despite everything you stripped from me, I found buried deep inside the tiniest bit of hope. When I focused on this hope, it grew and pushed out everything else. That hope is what I grasp onto on my dark days when I can feel the angst creeping in. I am no longer angry with you and never once did I blame you entirely. I just pray that you felt something; some remorse for what happened.

That's all.

Love,

Lauka

Day 23: 15 facts about me.

1. I am a very defensive driver.

2. I have a large vocabulary of expletives that I rarely use, but would make a sailor blush.

3. I am still striving to overcome my crippling fear of moths.

4. I thoroughly enjoy playing D&D.

5. I am even worse at journaling than I am blogging.

6. I have cried, on more than one occasion, over not being able to find pants that fit right.

7. I have had my car for 3 years, her name is Poison Ivy and we have a very strong bond.

8. I joke about becoming a trophy wife and never having to work again, but I know that I would be bored and depressed all the time without anything to do.

9. I love trashy reality shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Real Housewives and Teen Mom.

10. I am just one fanny pack away from being a hipster.

11. I truly do not understand the majority of my generation.

12. I am much better at holding conversations with people over 60 and even better at conversing with people over 60 who have dementia or alzheimers.

13. I compliment people when I see something worth complimenting and I do it sincerely. This is often mistaken for outrageous flirting. That won't stop me.

14. I love dancing because it allows me to connect with someone without having to let them get emotionally close to me.

15. It stresses me out a little when I make plans with friends that are more than a month or two out.

Day 24: A photo of something that means a lot to me.

When I was 18, I got this tattooed on my back and my mom got it on her foot. A year or so later, my uncle also got this tattoo and my aunt made a ring with this on it.

This is our clan (McNeil of Barra) in Gaelic. Translated, it means "Conquer or die."

It is representative of a very close connection to family and heritage.

Day 25: What's in your purse?

Usually, this is all I carry with me:

Its the smallest wallet I could hope for. Its just big enough for my IDs, debit cards, cash and a few other random cards and it fits perfectly into my back pocket.

However, my aunt made me this very cute purse for Christmas, which makes me more inclined to carry it.