Friday, September 10, 2010

"She had nothing to hide from him..."

"...nothing to keep unstated, everything was granted, answered, found."

With all the weddings, engagements and relationships I see occurring and forming around me daily, there is something that has been on my mind fairly often.
Can you guess what the something is?

How does one find it and once it's found how does one know that its real?
I've had 3 very close friends of mine get married within the past 4 months and I have been honored to be a bridesmaid in each wedding. 
Now these friends of mine, formerly individuals, will be eternally connected to another person.
I've heard the marital terms all my life, but for some reason the words husband and wife seem so foreign to me when uttered by these friends. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I call their spouses their boyfriends or fiancees and they don't skip a beat to correct me. 
"He's my husband."
I like the idea of falling in love very much. I like the very personal side of falling in love; of always having someone to come home to, and to cuddle, love, support, and run to.
What I can't seem to get my head around is that inextricable link to another person for eternity.  Nor can I understand that need that I see in other people, the need to constantly be in contact with a significant other. I can't see myself in a state of being in which it is painful to not be able to speak to or see another person every day. 
At this point there is not a single person in my life that I am so irrevocably attached to.
That's not to say that I don't love people or have very personal connections and deep relationships. I do.
I just don't feel a strong pull to be with them always.
Maybe that's how you know...
I'm certain that when I find that, I will understand completely and be perfectly content to want and need another person so intensely. 

To quote one of my favorite movies of all time,
"I know about love, if only because I long for it with every fiber of my being."
Moulin Rouge

Here is what I want:
I want to love someone.
I want to dance on kitchen floors.
I want to make mistakes and argue and be unreasonable and know that I am still loved eternally.
I want to love an imperfect person imperfectly and be perfectly happy that way.
I want to make a house a home.
I want to share the fear and the joy of raising children with someone.
I want to sleep next to someone every night.
I want to be a part of a bigger, grander, undefinable something.
I want to be exalted and build worlds with someone.

I want someone to understand that that's not too terribly much to ask and to want those things too.

1 comment:

  1. Aside from the fact that I DO know what it is like to physically hurt when you don't at least talk to someone every day (didn't used to know that...but I do now :-/ )I agree with pretty much everything else you wrote. But I admit, I also include in that that I passionately long to see my husband become a father.