Sunday, August 15, 2010

What's love got to do with it?

On Tuesday night a friend of mine was posed the question, " Is NCMO (non-committal make out) ever ok?" via text.
 She then posed the question to the room.
I automatically said yes. I was the only one. The general consensus was no, it is not okay.
I thought about that for a while. Why did I say yes? Probably because I've done it and because I'm so used to everyone saying that it is okay. The problem with this is that I know all too well all the reasons NCMO is not a good idea and should not be done. 
So, I'm changing my answer. No, NCMO is not okay and I will no longer be a participant in any sort of act.

It is often spurred by a need for emotional closeness and trust. When physical affection follows a true emotional connection and is accompanied by trust, it works to build those bonds. When the physical affection precedes the attachment, then it can eliminate any chance of a true bond forming. 
Immediate and passionate physical affection is a poor counterfeit for real attachment.
In my experience, it only results feelings of betrayal, hurt, shame and an even more pronounced loneliness.
 One or both parties feel used and there after neglected.

That's all.
I'll let Imogen express my thoughts from here.

"No, it's not meant to be like this, not what I planned at all. {I don't want to feel like this.} So, that makes it all your fault."


  1. I pondered this very topic quite recently and my thinking is in line with your logic. If anyone believes the contrary then I think they are only fooling themselves. You are a wise chick!

  2. Thank you! I love your comments, they really make my day.
    I was very much in the habit of fooling myself...I'm improving.

  3. I don't think there is such a thing as a non-committal make-out. At least one person has to be an interested party, no?

  4. Maybe you're right, Steve. Someone has to be interested, but interested in a relationship is different than interested in kissing someones face (etc.) for an extended period of time... But usually someone gets attached.

  5. True, the attachment part is what I mean. At least personally, anyone I've ever made out with is someone I'd like to have a relationship with, except for one girl. And that one girl really wanted a relationship with me.

    So, I think there is always drive for a relationship with at least one person in that sort of "friends with benefits" or drunken make-out session.

    But in personal experience, from observing sleazy friends in college, it normally seems more like a woman trying to erode a guy into a relationship who isn't feeling it. (most) Guys will happily take making out and more with no commitment, and feel absolutely no obligation to ever become exclusive or even to acknowledge the other person in mixed company.