Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Endearingly Awkward

I once asked a friend, "On a scale from 1-10 how socially awkward am I?"

I am so very aware of how awkward I can be.

  • I am terrible at small talk.
  • I maintain eye contact for too long.
  • I have little to no filter between brain and mouth.
  • I laugh too loudly. It doesn't matter if something is really funny or even just a little funny, my laugh is the same.
  • I make dumb jokes.
  • I laugh at my dumb jokes.
  • I get nervous and shy in silly situations.
  • I say the wrong things at the wrong times.
  • I come on too strong.
  • My words don't come out the way I mean them.
  • I am politically incorrect.
  • I am not cool.

For the past 20 years I have been able to get away with it.
People think I'm endearing and funny.
I think I've been able to do so because I make other somewhat endearingly socially awkward friends.
Here's the thing about Utah: People don't appreciate awkward quite enough.
They want "cool."
More to the point, they want people who are like them.
I'm quirky, sarcastic, outrageous and a little hard to handle sometimes.
I can usually code switch pretty well, but sometimes the crazy slips a little and I make people uncomfortable.
I don't mind.
In fact I love it.
The people that shy away from me are probably boring anyways.
(This does not detract from the fact that they are children of our Heavenly Father and are precious and have souls of great worth.)

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

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